A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
“What’s that big brass gong?” one of the guests asked.
“It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,” the drunk replied.
“A talking […]
Archive for the 'вицове' Category
the talking clock
13Март08being a farmer
24Фев08A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, “Some things you just can’t explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up […]
The inventor of the motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, “Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.”
Arthur thought about it for a minute […]
definition
22Ян08A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.
“Why?” asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
“Well, I’m […]
feminism reversed
22Ян08 A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of […]
we all love blond chicks
12Дек07I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-MartShopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever pup had fresh air. She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my […]
damn wives!
12Дек07The pastor asked if any one in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
A lady stood and walked to the podium.
She said, “I have a praise.”
“Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if […]
… а после?
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- Каква?
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priorities
12Дек07“Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house.”
“Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?”
“Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot died. ”
“My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?”
“Si Senor, that’s the one.”
“Damn! That’s a pity! I […]
a man wanted a job…
08Дек07A man wanted a job, but the foreman wouldn’t hire him until he passed a little math test.
“Here’s your first question,” the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”
“Withouta numbers,” the Italian said. “Datta easy.” He proceeded to draw three trees.
“What’s this?” the boss asked. “Have you got no brain?
“Tree and tree […]
